![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
"I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."- HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey
Tags:
I was attacked by fire ants tonight while sitting at my desk. At first I saw a few ants but didn't worry about it, it's normal to sometimes see an ant or two in the house. Then I felt a feeling like something was pricking me. It seemed to be where my leg was making contact with the seat so I kind of assumed it was an errant fiber poking me in the skin; I brushed whatever it was away without looking. A little while later, I felt an itching. I scratched and ignored it. I don't know how long this went on before I suddenly realized that the pricking was much much worse and that it had been going on for too long. Then I actually looked and saw fire ants all over my leg, foot, chair. WTF.
I have no idea why they were in that area, they didn't appear to be coming from anywhere specific and they didn't seem to have any kind of home base. There was no food or anything to draw them.
I'm ok, the bites were on my leg and are pretty minor compared to the last time I was bitten.
ETA 2 days later: OK nm I was wrong the bites are all blistering up now all over my body halp meee
I have no idea why they were in that area, they didn't appear to be coming from anywhere specific and they didn't seem to have any kind of home base. There was no food or anything to draw them.
I'm ok, the bites were on my leg and are pretty minor compared to the last time I was bitten.
ETA 2 days later: OK nm I was wrong the bites are all blistering up now all over my body halp meee
A really funny thing happened yesterday: my birthday is next Saturday and so is my birthday party. But yesterday, we heard a knock at the door. It was K and S, and when I saw them out the peephole, I had a feeling I knew what was up, but thought for a second that they had stopped by as a surprise. I opened the door and they said "Happy birthday!" and then I guess seeing that I looked kind of messy, K asked "Are we early?":
"A little bit,"I said, the party is next weekend! But come in!" and we all laughed. They had brought crackers and cheese and dips and an orchid as a gift for me, isn't that sweet? We had a lot of laughs, and I invited them to stick around since I hd baked a cake. So they came in and ended up staying and we ate crackers and dips and cheese and cake and watched the new B5 movie.
It was a really fun night and now we have a cute story to tell.
"A little bit,"I said, the party is next weekend! But come in!" and we all laughed. They had brought crackers and cheese and dips and an orchid as a gift for me, isn't that sweet? We had a lot of laughs, and I invited them to stick around since I hd baked a cake. So they came in and ended up staying and we ate crackers and dips and cheese and cake and watched the new B5 movie.
It was a really fun night and now we have a cute story to tell.
Tags:
“The bee’s life is like a magic well: the more you draw from it, the more it fills with water.”- Karl von Frisch
Tags:
All of the mosquito fish disappeared again a few weeks ago. The pond is crawling with bugs destroying the plants. So I went to a bait shop and bought half a pound of shiners. I put them in the pond yesterday. Today there was one dead one floating in the pond, and I can't find a single other one. These were relatively big fish, sliders have deep bodies and were at least 3" long.
The pond also stinks today. So, I think it's possible that Al ate all of them this morning, but still surprising. I would be very surprised if he ate the mosquito fish; it's been 17 years and he would never eat any of them. I guess I will try to get some more mosquito fish. Maybe I need to set up a separate tank or tub to breed them in.
ETA: they're alive! I went out in the night with a flashlight and saw several very active shiners. Two of them were even leaping into the air to chase insects, which was cool to see. The pond was crawling with insects last week and tonight there is already a huge difference.
The pond also stinks today. So, I think it's possible that Al ate all of them this morning, but still surprising. I would be very surprised if he ate the mosquito fish; it's been 17 years and he would never eat any of them. I guess I will try to get some more mosquito fish. Maybe I need to set up a separate tank or tub to breed them in.
ETA: they're alive! I went out in the night with a flashlight and saw several very active shiners. Two of them were even leaping into the air to chase insects, which was cool to see. The pond was crawling with insects last week and tonight there is already a huge difference.
I suddenly thought of something tonight I hadn't remembered in ages.
In 1995 or so I was dating a guy named Troy who was kind of into fish tanks. He had one large tank with a few fish in it; I remember there was a Bala shark, a Redfin shark, and some kind of small plecostamus, only about 5" long. Those are all I remember.
One night I was at his apartment and for some reason, he wasn't. I don't remember why. I was asleep when I suddenly woke up. I didn't know why I was awake but I figured I must have heard a noise, maybe Troy was at the door. I got up and walked out to the living room to see what the noise was. And I found the pleco lying on the floor in front of the tank; the tank lid had been left open and I surmised that it had jumped out. It was still alive. I was afraid that I might hurt it by touching it, but there was nothing else to do, so I picked it up and put it back into the tank. Troy was not at the door, there was nothing in the living room making any noises, so I went back to bed. The fish survived.
I've always wondered why I woke up when that fish needed me. I have always been very good with animals. Did the fish somehow reach out to me? Or did I just perceive its distress? Was it a coincidence, maybe a noise outside or something woke me up at just the right time?
In 1995 or so I was dating a guy named Troy who was kind of into fish tanks. He had one large tank with a few fish in it; I remember there was a Bala shark, a Redfin shark, and some kind of small plecostamus, only about 5" long. Those are all I remember.
One night I was at his apartment and for some reason, he wasn't. I don't remember why. I was asleep when I suddenly woke up. I didn't know why I was awake but I figured I must have heard a noise, maybe Troy was at the door. I got up and walked out to the living room to see what the noise was. And I found the pleco lying on the floor in front of the tank; the tank lid had been left open and I surmised that it had jumped out. It was still alive. I was afraid that I might hurt it by touching it, but there was nothing else to do, so I picked it up and put it back into the tank. Troy was not at the door, there was nothing in the living room making any noises, so I went back to bed. The fish survived.
I've always wondered why I woke up when that fish needed me. I have always been very good with animals. Did the fish somehow reach out to me? Or did I just perceive its distress? Was it a coincidence, maybe a noise outside or something woke me up at just the right time?
Tags:
This is one of my favorite memories.
One day in late 2010 or maybe early 2011, I woke up. I was living in R's house in the 3rd ward. WWhen I woke, he came in to talk with me (as he often did) and after a few minutes of us chatting, both cats came hurrying into the room. Opal was first, coming at a hot trot and looking very serious, and Serena Pie was loping right behind her.
They came running into the room and jumped into bed with me. They were both so excited and loving. I realized that they had been somewhere else in the house and, hearing my voice, realized that I was awake and came running in to be with me and love me.
I felt so loved in that moment. They made a deliberate choice to come to me, not because I called them, but because they loved me and wanted to be with me. I don't think I've ever been so loved, as i was by Opal.
One day in late 2010 or maybe early 2011, I woke up. I was living in R's house in the 3rd ward. WWhen I woke, he came in to talk with me (as he often did) and after a few minutes of us chatting, both cats came hurrying into the room. Opal was first, coming at a hot trot and looking very serious, and Serena Pie was loping right behind her.
They came running into the room and jumped into bed with me. They were both so excited and loving. I realized that they had been somewhere else in the house and, hearing my voice, realized that I was awake and came running in to be with me and love me.
I felt so loved in that moment. They made a deliberate choice to come to me, not because I called them, but because they loved me and wanted to be with me. I don't think I've ever been so loved, as i was by Opal.
I ordered the sunshades for the patio yesterday. I re-measured before putting in the order, just in case. We had to order custom sizes as one screen is 65.25" wide and the other is 70" wide (which are both way off from the measurements B told me they were, btw, from his diagram. I decided to do it myself and use a tape measure.)
I went for a "linen" color, which I hope will match the patio supports, with 1% penetration. I made them only 40" long because the back fence blocks light when the sun gets really low.
Now I think I will need to order a custom shadesail to hang under the patio roof while the weather is hot. Both of these will help to keep the living room cooler.
The last year has been one home improvement project after another and I like that. We're making a lot of progress and we've kept up that momentum all year. I really like seeing the house get better and better, and it is very satisfying to do it ourselves.
My next project is to add pinch pleats to the living room sheers, and hem them.
I went for a "linen" color, which I hope will match the patio supports, with 1% penetration. I made them only 40" long because the back fence blocks light when the sun gets really low.
Now I think I will need to order a custom shadesail to hang under the patio roof while the weather is hot. Both of these will help to keep the living room cooler.
The last year has been one home improvement project after another and I like that. We're making a lot of progress and we've kept up that momentum all year. I really like seeing the house get better and better, and it is very satisfying to do it ourselves.
My next project is to add pinch pleats to the living room sheers, and hem them.
Tags:
I've done pretty well eating this week. I've eaten pretty little and haven't had sweets since Sunday. I don't feel like I've lost any weight though.
Ali is coming in this weekend and I expect there will be EATING. So I am going to not sweat it too much, and get back on track next week.
I really really really do not want to keep gaining weight. I would like to get back down to 150. I figure it will take me the rest of the year, probably :(
Honestly I am craving a burger, maybe we will get burgers tomorrow. I would really like to go to an actual restaurant.
I had a kind of genius idea last night while I was lying in bed. I had been putting off watering the orchids, especially the phals, and they were suffering for it. I pinpointed that the number one reason I was putting it off is because I am exhausted and several of the phals are in cachepots with space under them, so to water them, I have to move them to the kitchen counter, into saucers, and put them back the next day. And I am tired. So tired.
It suddenly occurred to me that I can tuck a wick into the bottom of the inner pot; the wick can hang down to the bottom of the cachepot and soak up water sitting there. So I can water them without moving them, and without needing saucers. Eureka! The cachepot won't have a wet reservoir all the time like a self-watering pot, so the moss won't rot and this should work fine.
So tonight while B was in his meeting, I cut short pieces of wick and used tweezers to insert them into the bottom of the cachepots.It was pretty quick and easy, so hooray! The phals were super-dry so I gave them all plain RO water. What a relief! This should make me more likely to water them. That's a load off my mind.
Ali is coming in this weekend and I expect there will be EATING. So I am going to not sweat it too much, and get back on track next week.
I really really really do not want to keep gaining weight. I would like to get back down to 150. I figure it will take me the rest of the year, probably :(
Honestly I am craving a burger, maybe we will get burgers tomorrow. I would really like to go to an actual restaurant.
I had a kind of genius idea last night while I was lying in bed. I had been putting off watering the orchids, especially the phals, and they were suffering for it. I pinpointed that the number one reason I was putting it off is because I am exhausted and several of the phals are in cachepots with space under them, so to water them, I have to move them to the kitchen counter, into saucers, and put them back the next day. And I am tired. So tired.
It suddenly occurred to me that I can tuck a wick into the bottom of the inner pot; the wick can hang down to the bottom of the cachepot and soak up water sitting there. So I can water them without moving them, and without needing saucers. Eureka! The cachepot won't have a wet reservoir all the time like a self-watering pot, so the moss won't rot and this should work fine.
So tonight while B was in his meeting, I cut short pieces of wick and used tweezers to insert them into the bottom of the cachepots.It was pretty quick and easy, so hooray! The phals were super-dry so I gave them all plain RO water. What a relief! This should make me more likely to water them. That's a load off my mind.
We saw a FB meme where your "porn star name" is your favorite salad dressing followed by what about you most disappointed your parents.
Mine was "Vinaigrette Existence." B's was "Ceasar Half-Ass."
Mine was "Vinaigrette Existence." B's was "Ceasar Half-Ass."
Tags:
The Circle has healing power. In the Circle we are all equal. When in the Circle, no one is in front of you. No one is above you. No one is below you. The Sacred Circle is designed to create unity. The Hoop of Life is also a circle. On this hoop there is a place for every species, every race, every tree and every plant. It is this completeness of Life that must be respected in order to bring about health on this planet. To understand each other, as the ripples when a stone is tossed into the waters, the Circle starts small and grows....until it fills the whole lake.
-Dave Chief, Oglala Lakota
Tags:
The pond pump was acting up, so right before I got sick I pulled it out and had a good look, and it wasn't fixable.
So I ordered a new one, then was too sick to put it all together. So it has been sitting here for a few days. Yesterday B asked if he could set it up if I told him what to do. Fortunately, I had already assembled everything up- and down-stream of the pump, so it was pretty easy. He stuck it all together, I roughly leveled the biofilter, and it was good to go.
I think the old pump had been declining for awhile, they usually slow down before they fail entirely, and the new one is the same model and speed but pumping much more quickly.
When I pulled the pump out to dismantle it, I took that opportunity to dismantle the biofilter and rinse the media, and replace the hoses with new, longer ones. I replaced the hoses because the last time I had to reconfigure things, they ended up a bit short, and because I've never been crazy about the way this particular setup was configured. I bought replacement hoses months ago and have been waiting to have time/energy/weather to get it done. The pump dying was a good time to do it.
( Read more... )
So I ordered a new one, then was too sick to put it all together. So it has been sitting here for a few days. Yesterday B asked if he could set it up if I told him what to do. Fortunately, I had already assembled everything up- and down-stream of the pump, so it was pretty easy. He stuck it all together, I roughly leveled the biofilter, and it was good to go.
I think the old pump had been declining for awhile, they usually slow down before they fail entirely, and the new one is the same model and speed but pumping much more quickly.
When I pulled the pump out to dismantle it, I took that opportunity to dismantle the biofilter and rinse the media, and replace the hoses with new, longer ones. I replaced the hoses because the last time I had to reconfigure things, they ended up a bit short, and because I've never been crazy about the way this particular setup was configured. I bought replacement hoses months ago and have been waiting to have time/energy/weather to get it done. The pump dying was a good time to do it.
( Read more... )
I've been super-sick. Saturday afternoon I started feeling really run down; saturday night my throat started hurting. My temp started rising. By midnight I had lost my voice. I tested for Covid on Saturday night and Monday afternoon, both negative.
My symptoms have been: very painful sore throat, cough, fever, exhaustion, headache. A little bit of mucus/congestion but not much. Keeping my head elevated helps with that.
I've mostly been sleeping. B doses me with cough syrup when I start coughing again. Yesterday I was able to be up for a few hours but was very weak. A few minutes ago I woke up feeling better than I had since Friday. Cough is less intense and I feel like my voice may come back.
The new moon was Saturday. I did my new moon ritual before I lost my voice, but since then I haven't done the rest of the week. I've had no voice and been exhausted. I know the gods are understanding and have seen my dedication. As soon as my voice is back I will resume this month's activities.
I haven't been this sick in years, it's pretty brutal.
My symptoms have been: very painful sore throat, cough, fever, exhaustion, headache. A little bit of mucus/congestion but not much. Keeping my head elevated helps with that.
I've mostly been sleeping. B doses me with cough syrup when I start coughing again. Yesterday I was able to be up for a few hours but was very weak. A few minutes ago I woke up feeling better than I had since Friday. Cough is less intense and I feel like my voice may come back.
The new moon was Saturday. I did my new moon ritual before I lost my voice, but since then I haven't done the rest of the week. I've had no voice and been exhausted. I know the gods are understanding and have seen my dedication. As soon as my voice is back I will resume this month's activities.
I haven't been this sick in years, it's pretty brutal.
Tags:
A1C results came in, it is back down to 5! That's good.
Both times I was into the doctor recently, my BG was lower than 70, and that wasn't fasting. I want to get a continuous glucose sensor and wear it for a few weeks to see how that goes. I doubt it's a problem, but I have gained 10 pounds so it seems I am eating enough food.
Both times I was into the doctor recently, my BG was lower than 70, and that wasn't fasting. I want to get a continuous glucose sensor and wear it for a few weeks to see how that goes. I doubt it's a problem, but I have gained 10 pounds so it seems I am eating enough food.
Tags:
The book says to reflect on these in one night. I just thinjk this is is a LOT for one night. So tonight I begin.
what have I inspired in others?
what have I empowered myself or others to do?
What have I done to contribute to the wellbeing of my community?
what words of wisdom have I given to others that have compelled them to action?
What dream or dreams have I attained?
What have I created that has made an impact on my life or the lives of others?
What is one good thing that has been said about me by someone to whom I am unrelated or with whom I am uninvolved?
what have I inspired in others?
what have I empowered myself or others to do?
What have I done to contribute to the wellbeing of my community?
what words of wisdom have I given to others that have compelled them to action?
What dream or dreams have I attained?
What have I created that has made an impact on my life or the lives of others?
What is one good thing that has been said about me by someone to whom I am unrelated or with whom I am uninvolved?
Tags:
The second anniversary of Opal's death is coming Friday.
I still cry pretty often. Actually these days i cry about her more than I have in a long time. i feel like in the last couple of months I have so much more clarity and there are things I wish I had done differently.
I miss her so much and it's so unfair. It's unfair that this amazing little person is dead, that she isn't alive enjoying life anymore.
I want to never forget the feeling of her lying on my chest with her heart beating right against mine. Her chest was pressed against mine and I could feel her heartbeat and it was just magical.
I still cry pretty often. Actually these days i cry about her more than I have in a long time. i feel like in the last couple of months I have so much more clarity and there are things I wish I had done differently.
I miss her so much and it's so unfair. It's unfair that this amazing little person is dead, that she isn't alive enjoying life anymore.
I want to never forget the feeling of her lying on my chest with her heart beating right against mine. Her chest was pressed against mine and I could feel her heartbeat and it was just magical.
Tags:
Today in a Reddit discussion about incels, someone said something pretty mind-blowing to me.
She said (paraphrased) that the issue not that "incels are violent because they don't get sex," but rather that there have always been violent men. In decades past, these are the men who would have raped and beaten their wives. Nowadays, women have more agency, which means fewer violent men have access to women they can abuse. So, they are directing their violence outward.
I will never see incels the same way again. Like, I thought of them as immature and unhappy people who had decided that lack of sex was the reason for their unhappiness, and that the idea that "everyone deserves to be happy" believe had led them to believe that they were entitled to sex. Her explanation makes me see the whole thing differently.
I mean, I guess they're still emotionally immature, unhappy, and entitled. But now I see them in a different context. These are the men who, if they could, would abuse wives. Without wives, they're stuck with their own impotent rage.
She said (paraphrased) that the issue not that "incels are violent because they don't get sex," but rather that there have always been violent men. In decades past, these are the men who would have raped and beaten their wives. Nowadays, women have more agency, which means fewer violent men have access to women they can abuse. So, they are directing their violence outward.
I will never see incels the same way again. Like, I thought of them as immature and unhappy people who had decided that lack of sex was the reason for their unhappiness, and that the idea that "everyone deserves to be happy" believe had led them to believe that they were entitled to sex. Her explanation makes me see the whole thing differently.
I mean, I guess they're still emotionally immature, unhappy, and entitled. But now I see them in a different context. These are the men who, if they could, would abuse wives. Without wives, they're stuck with their own impotent rage.
You know, fat culture and fat people told me that if I lost weight, people would treat me differently. That if I lost weight, everyone would be nicer to me, and I would get much better treatment from everyone, friends and strangers alike. Ever since I hemorrhaged for months and months, when my intestines completely shut down and I thereby lost weight, I have found that the only people who treat me any differently are some fatter women, who project their own insecurities and anger onto me.
TBH most people treat me exactly the same as they did before: people were mostly nice to me before, and they're mostly nice to me now.
I was so surprised. But also relieved, you know? Because of course it would hurt to find out that people I cared for were secretly judging me for being fat.
But it also makes me wonder, if all these fat people who say that people are rude to them or dislike them for being fat, are just assuming that when in fact it's because they're miserable fucking people. Maybe they are the ones who are unpleasant. Because some of them say things like that they get death threats and messages telling them to kill themselves every day just for being fat in public, or for being openly fat on the internet, and that shit has NEVER happened to me. I've been fat in public, I've been fat on the internet. I've been posting fat selfies since I got on social media, and other people have posted pics of me being fat. I decided many years ago that I would not be ashamed of how I look, even if how I looked was fat.
Anyway, this was just some stuff on my mind.
TBH most people treat me exactly the same as they did before: people were mostly nice to me before, and they're mostly nice to me now.
I was so surprised. But also relieved, you know? Because of course it would hurt to find out that people I cared for were secretly judging me for being fat.
But it also makes me wonder, if all these fat people who say that people are rude to them or dislike them for being fat, are just assuming that when in fact it's because they're miserable fucking people. Maybe they are the ones who are unpleasant. Because some of them say things like that they get death threats and messages telling them to kill themselves every day just for being fat in public, or for being openly fat on the internet, and that shit has NEVER happened to me. I've been fat in public, I've been fat on the internet. I've been posting fat selfies since I got on social media, and other people have posted pics of me being fat. I decided many years ago that I would not be ashamed of how I look, even if how I looked was fat.
Anyway, this was just some stuff on my mind.
Tags:
My sugar intake has been creeping up. It started with eating sweets on Sunday, not just Saturday, and then went to eating sweets almost every day, and I have to get it under control.
I'm not even feeling hungry, I just want to eat tasty things.
It's hard. I have no other physical pleasures in my life. I've had no sugar today and I am really wanting some.
Yesterday B and I got bivalent Covid boosters. We both got Moderna. I had an achey arm/shoulder/neck and a headache (ETA headache gone on the 9th). He has a bright red spot around his vax location. Not too bad.
B's Birthday is this week so I got his car detailed. Mobile detailers came out and did a great job inside and out. he said it was a nice gift.
I'm not even feeling hungry, I just want to eat tasty things.
It's hard. I have no other physical pleasures in my life. I've had no sugar today and I am really wanting some.
Yesterday B and I got bivalent Covid boosters. We both got Moderna. I had an achey arm/shoulder/neck and a headache (ETA headache gone on the 9th). He has a bright red spot around his vax location. Not too bad.
B's Birthday is this week so I got his car detailed. Mobile detailers came out and did a great job inside and out. he said it was a nice gift.
.