I don't have to explain myself

[00goddess]

Just now I started to explain myself to someone and I had it all typed out and then I stopped and deleted it and left only the first paragraph thanking her for messaging me. And that was it.

This is such a small thing but explaining myself is a trauma response. I didn't even realize it until a few years ago when someone mentioned it on the internet and my mind was blown. We explain ourselves because we want to be heard, and we have been dismissed and invalidated. We explain ourselves because we want to be safe, and we think that if we explain, the abuser won't hurt us anymore. It is a habit we learn in childhood and it doesn't actually work. It never does. 

I don't have to explain why I have chosen to withdraw from engagement in a FB group. I can say "Thank you, I am sure you are all doing your best," and leave it at that and honestly it feels so good. It feels like a weight lifted. Explaining is continuing to engage. They won't like my explanation because even if I don't say it that way, it points out their cognitive dissonance. I don't have to. I am free.

Comments

[bellamagic]

Fantastic ❤️